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Sleep on it January 16, 2010

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Sometimes I awake, all too late, all too soon, still in the same place where I slept. Then I wonder, where did I want to lay my head and get up next? So back to bed I go, with these thoughts until next I awake, all too soon, all too late.

Bitter is the New Black January 16, 2010

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Just finished Jen Lancaster’s “Bitter is the New Black.” It’s funny, witty, bitchy read. (Although I think I still prefer the Shopaholic series.) Anyhow, will probably write more thoughts on the BITNB later. For now, goodnight world. Shout out to NYorkers of course. It was a pleasant day today.

Job/Career January 16, 2010

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Last weekend I watched Post Grad (Alexis Bledel), this weekend I watched Up in the Air (George Clooney). I don’t know if both were supposed to be inspiring, but I find it depressing. In Post Grad, Ryden (Alexis Bledel) was a 22 year old trying to figure out what to do with her life. The character David (Rodrigo Santoro) even told Ryden that she has the world at her fingertips, yet she doesn’t realize it. In Up in the Air, the character Natalie (Anna Kendrick) is a career-driven, 23 year old who thinks settling is failure. She has clear goals, even envisions her husband-to-be to have monosyllabic name, like Dave or John.  Although seemingly faced with setbacks (Ryden can’t find a job; Natalie’s boyfriend broke up with her through a text message), both exude so much promise in their young lives.  Both are trying to find their place in the world — which is inspiring really. But.. when you’re 29, about to turn 30, and still trying to figure out what and where you should be, it is just plain depressing. 😦

Nonetheless, do try to catch Post Grad and Up in the Air. Good movies to while away the time.  Happy weekend!

Breakfast betrayal December 18, 2009

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Several times a week, I get my breakfast from the cart right outside my office building. There are actually 2 carts near our office, separated by a measly 4 steps from each other. One cart is close to the corner of the street, the other about 3 steps from the building entrance.

For about a month or so, I have not been getting my breakfast from any of the carts. Last week, hungry and late, I decided to have my usual apple turnover from Cart#2 (near the building entrance). The guy, having noticed my absence for some time, said, so how are you? I haven’t see you. I told him, oh it’s because I went home (to my country). The cart guy said, oh really. I thought you betrayed me. I said, “what?” He said, “betrayed, betrayed.” (I of course knew what he meant. I do sometimes buy from cart#1 when the line in cart#2 is long and when I’m in a rush. See, cart#2 makes small talk. Cart#1 is all business.) He said, how long were you home? I said, oh last month. He said, for 1 month? I ignored his comment. I couldn’t really tell him I was only away for 2 weeks?! Sounds crazy eh. I feel guilty for not buying breakfast. The cart guy feels betrayed. Oh life!

The Alchemist December 17, 2009

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Some things here ring true for me.

“…When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.”

“He had to choose between something he had become accustomed to and something he wanted to have…There was nothing to hold himself back except himself.”

“There is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve: the fear of failure.”

“It’s a book that says the same thing almost all the other books in the world say,” continued the old man (Melchizedek). “It describes people’s inability to choose their own destinies. And it ends up saying that everyone believes the world’s greatest lie.” “What’s the world’s greatest lie?” the boy asked, completely surprised. “It’s this: that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what’s happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That’s the world’s greatest lie.””It (destiny) is what you have always wanted to accomplish. Everyone, when they are young, knows what their destiny is. At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible. They are not afraid to dream, and to yearn for everything they would like to see happen to them in their lives. But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their destiny.” “It (mysterious force) is a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your destiny. It prepares your spirit and your will …… To realize one’s destiny is a person’s only real obligation.”

Discontent December 16, 2009

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My life where I am now is good. It is the discontent that is plaguing me. The what if I packed my bags and left? I would admittedly be earning less should I leave, but I think that would only be for a while. I would be losing ties with some of the most important people in my life. But what happens next?

If I stayed here I pretty much know. It’d be like this for at least a year. Am I truly happy?

Am I craving for change? What is it I am running away from? What is it I am running to?

Work from home in an office December 13, 2009

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I work for a small company. How small? There’s me and there’s my boss. Christmas time calls for Christmas greetings. Christmas greetings mean Christmas cards to the clients. As I was patiently sticking address labels to the hundredth or so envelope, I surprisingly amused myself with the thought, “so this is how work from home in an office feels like.” Hahaha. I cannot get those ads of work from home sticking stamps or something / handling mailers from my head. It was fun while it lasted! Oh well. If my boss were the diligent person that she is, the greeting cards would have all been labeled, stamped and sent come Monday. If not, I wonder how many hundreds more I’d have to stick address labels on.

Strangely normal December 13, 2009

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My madness is not mental nor criminal nor passionate. It is the ordinary, day-to-day, run-of-the-mill, I have everything good yet I want to mess it up kind. How maddening that it is strangely normal.

Do you sometimes feel the same way? Always? Never?

The daily struggle December 11, 2009

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I’m a twenty something plain jane, with dreams more than the ordinary, but a life that is mostly so. I’m on the brink of rippling my calm waters and holding everything within. The quest, confusion, the fear. Standstill.

I am madness concealed.