Invisible madness

Job hunting: Of dreams and goings-on April 21, 2011

Originally written: March 17, 2011

Happy St. Patrick’s Day! Yahoo Shine has a “Scoop on St. Patrick,” so if you want the 411, head over to the article here.

There isn’t much travel-related happenings in my life right now. I have been somewhat caught up with 1) finding a job; 2) obsessing about dinner with my ex-boss. I have planned a trip to Orlando though for next month. I would of course put a review after the trip.

Job hunt is going very slow, albeit with just enough employer interest here and there to shore up my spirits. I’ll be honest that the extent of my job hunt has only been limited to online job hunting– Monster.com, Careerbuilder.com, Indeed.com, Simplyhired.com, etc. I sent out some applications via email on February 28. It initially looked promising to me, when on the same day, I got a call for an employer (out-of-state, I haven’t applied to any NYC jobs, more on this later). It was about dinnertime and while I was baking fish, without much thought, I answered the phone. I was soooo (yes, very, very) excited that I stammered before anything else that I would need H-1B sponsorship. The Office Manager said she would have to check and get back to me if that was something the company was prepared to do. The Office Manager said she’ll call again if they are still interested or if sponsorship is something they don’t want to engage in, she would email me. I was chastising myself for not being composed enough to answer the call. Perhaps I was thinking, let them like me first, then it would be hard for them to say no to visa sponsorship. Anyhow, what’s done was done. While I was smacking myself on the head for being brutally honest in less than 5 minutes of conversation, my phone rang again! The company was indeed amenable to visa sponsorship. I was scheduled for a phone interview the following day. I feel that the interview went well. The Partner closed the phone call by saying that they will be in touch. Riiight. They must have changed their minds. Read on.

Since it was just a phone interview and all communication had only been via email and phone. I decided to send my “thank you note” via email the following day to the Office Manager and all those who interviewed me . (If I had been interviewed in person, I would have sent a thank you card via post). The interviewers all responded, except for the Office Manager. A week after the interview, I sent a follow-up email to the Office Manager. She replied within 5 minutes of my email. She said they are still interviewing. That was last week, I haven’t heard anything since. By the way, since my interview, I’ve seen them re-post the job ads all over the internet. I take it they are no longer interested. (The employer has several vacancies for the same position for the three of their locations. I don’t know if it affected my chances, when after the interview for Location 1, I applied to Location 2, with a higher salary requirement. I didn’t dare apply to Location 3 anymore, even if that was the place I really wanted to relocate to.)

Moving on…

Last week, my ex-boss contacted me, asking how I am doing and how I did on my exam. I replied casually (what was there to say really?). I was then invited to dinner. Oooh. Free food. Well, free food was not my initial reaction, it was “Why was I invited? Wouldn’t this be awkward? I did quit afterall. The boss is being extremely gracious. Am I getting my job back? Do I want that? What is the meaning of life?” (Haha.)

On dinner night, I told myself I was there for free food and good company. The boss probably just wanted to touchbase with me to see that I haven’t gone to the deep end (wherever that was, and for whatever reason I’d be going there.) I dropped by the office so we could all walk to the restaurant together. I saw my old desk. Sat on my old chair. Did I feel connected? A little, perhaps. I haven’t thought about it, haven’t psyched myself about visiting my former office, and didn’t let myself think anything of it.

Dinner was fun. The food was good, so was the company. When I left, I had an open invitation to visit the office again some time. May be, when I am in the area. I think “visiting” is disruptive though. I know how busy they are. They might loathe me for taking precious time away from work should I visit. Besides, I am not really the chit chat type in a professional setting. I like keeping conversation general and not too personal.

Okay, now back to the job hunt. This is the third week that I’ve been trolling online. I have no connections, no networks. I haven’t reached out to friends to see who among them have any remote networks to prospective employers. I’ve received two other replies in addition to the one discussed above. The second reply was a brush off. The employer was not open for employment sponsorship. The third reply looks slightly promising, if not strange, in the usual order of things. I was asked (via email) if I were moving down to their location and if so, when that would be. I found that odd and for a minute I was at a quandary how to respond. The employer’s reply was really not an invitation for an interview. Then again, if I weren’t prepared to relocate, would I have applied in the first place? The employer briefly called me last night, he said H1B sponsorship was not an issue (yay!). But he would still check with his other Partner about the prospect of employing me. That is where everything stands right now.

All through this, I have been having weird dreams lately. Well, just for the past two nights. The first time I dreamt of my nose bleeding; and last night I dreamt that I was in line to have some of my blood drawn from my chest area. I could see the face of the people before me and they said that it was very painful. (I am afraid of having my blood drawn in real life. I have only had it done once.) For a moment I was prepared to have my blood drawn. Then I backed out. In my dream, they needed to draw blood to test for a serious illness. I have no idea what illness that was, but it was the premise of the blood drawing. Since I backed out, there were only two people left who haven’t had their blood drawn– me and an old man. I felt like the old man had an excuse for not wanting to have his blood drawn, but I didn’t. The old man was old; I was young and strong. Just before I woke up, my position in my dream was to skip the blood drawing and to risk not knowing if I had the serious illness. I thought, what were the odds that I had the disease. But internally, I was still battling why I couldn’t just bear the pain, afterall, everybody else did it. It was only me and the old man, who hadn’t gone through the blood drawing. Then I woke up.

I checked the meaning of my “blood” dreams online. According to curiousdreamer.com, “nosebleed” means a feeling of being out-of-sorts or not quite in balance physically, emotionally, or mentally. I had the nosebleed dream on the morning of my dinner night with the ex-boss. I take it that I was subconsciously anxious about dinner with the ex-boss.

Last night’s dream was the “lining up for blood drawing” dream. I don’t really know what it means. The only thing I could relate it to, is my hesitation to move from NYC to suburbia. The third employer who responded to my application is located in a suburb close to a major city. When I woke up, I didn’t have my blood drawn. Could that mean that I shouldn’t move to suburbia? But who was the old man? What did he signify in my dream? It was only me and the old man who weren’t courageous enough to have our blood drawn.

There are a lot of interpretations about “blood” dreams. I’ll post some here. I can’t say the online dream dictionary entries on “blood” make any sense to me, but I really don’t know what to make of my “lining up for my blood to be drawn” dream. Why was there an old man with me? My “lining up for my blood to be drawn” dream may also be influenced by so many images of the Japanese quake/tsunami/radiation tragedy. I have been so involved in keeping up with Japan quake/tsunami/nuclear reactor radiation news that it may have been going into my subconscious.

Here are some meaning of “blood” in dreams. If you’ve develop a skill of interpreting dreams or you have a “gift” for dream interpretation, please feel free to contact me about your thoughts on my recent blood dream. Thank you.

Blood dream interpretations
According to dreamhawk.com:

Your energy and sense of existence; link with your family such as feelings of connection or bonding, inherited tendencies – what we now call genes, but also includes inherited strengths and weaknesses of character; universal life or power in your life, therefore connection with humanity; pain or struggle; injury; death.

From experiencefestival.com, I get several blood dream interpretations:

From Astrocenter:
1. Life.
2. Conflict; war.
Astrological parallel: Aries.
Tarot parallel: The Moon.

From dream-land.info:
Blood is a symbol of vitality. Seeing a blood in a dream: be careful of other people in different situations. If you are losing blood, it means “weakening” of your energies and frustration at this moment in your life. It is very important to know where you are bleeding. If you see blood on your hands: stop being involved in someone’s business. If you see someone else bleeding, you are concerned about your friend. Dreaming about bleeding always points to the emotional wounds that you don’t acknowledge.

From dreamloverinc.com:
It is the life-giving, vital part of our physiology and it may symbolize our strengths and weaknesses and our physical and mental health. If you are currently experiencing a very difficult time in your life, you may have dreams with bloody and frightening images. Don’t worry, you may be venting your fears! Some believe that when you see blood in your dream, the distressing situation in your life which is at the root of the dream has come to an end, and the worst is over. Consider the details and the relationships between of all the symbols in your dream before making an interpretation.

From astrology.com:
Blood in dreams is rarely a well-received image, unless it is connected with an anger object. The blood of another in this case may reflect seeing oneself as ultimately victorious. Most times, blood represents depletion, injury, or death. This depletion may be physical, or it may reflect the loss of other essential resources, including emotional or financial assets.